Wow..
Last night....
FUCKING AMAZING!!

Picked up the girls..(shawna and kyla)
Got some beer..
Headed to seabreeze..
Got drunk..
Got in the pit...
Showed people that little people can throw bows too..
hahaha....
Saw all my old friends..
Made some new friends..
The dead shall rise...<3333
I love them more and more everytime i see them...
Finally got to see robert again...
Louie accidently hit shawna in the head with his bass..
Busted her eye brow wide open!! bled everywhere..
police started coming because there were to many people there...
so..
Headed back to deland...
Partied with all my old friends..
Got trashed beyond belief..
Went to taco bell at 3..
drove to kylas..
and passed THE FUCK OUT by about 5:30!

And a hang over today..
hahahhah

Today:

I choose to fix myself...




<3

Well i'm to the point of completely breaking down..This spring break has only brought more chaos to my already falling apart life...I've cryed so much and resorted to other ways to deal with my pain...I can't take it anymore...I want everything to be fixed and get better...I don't kno what to do...But after all the dale and chad situation im still not aloud at chads house even tho dale and chad are finally getting along again...But me, chad, tyler, matt, derek, jake, mason, michelle, joe, and a few other ppl all went nad stayed at shawnas house Thursday night and had a good ol' party!! FUN FUN!! well i quit drinkin, so that part wasnt to much fun for me...But OH BUDDY I HAD SOME FUN!! "wink wink"...HAHA...Alot of the ppl who were there (esp. Tyler and Shawna) will kno what im talkin about...But any ways...Last night was pretty dramatic to me.I broke a promise that i made to both chad and shawna..Last night i thought i had reached the breakin point...But chad and shawna both talked to me and they are gonna try and help me get thru all this shit and make it better...I dunno..wish things werent so freakin crazy right now...I dont need one more thing to deal with on top of my parents and havin to see my mom cry everyday...Its just to much...I CANT DO IT!!!

Ok....So i've been thinkin about it...And my last entry was a little harsh....I do still hate amanda and dont think i will ever talk to her again...and i talked to chad and we worked things out.....I've never been hurt by somthin as much as that hurt me....I do realize than me hookin up with chads bro wasnt the best of ideas even tho i kno i had always wanted to do that since last year....and now chad and his brother will prolly never be cool again...chad wants to beat the shit out of his bro....i really wish they would just talk about what happened instead of fighting...i wish i could erase the whole night...and start everything over again....there is a whole lot of mess from this...alot of broken friendships and family fueds...its horrible...i dunno...i really hope chad and dale become cool again...

:-/

so as the days go by the more details start to come out.so i found out that the girl i thought was one of my best friends fucked chad friday night at that party...After all the shit i talked about her sister when she fucked my last ex-boyfriend and she knew how much i didnt like it....she still fuckin did it. and then they decided to keep it a  secret from me..how fuckin low! i fuckin hate them both and the both should die!!! he said the only reason he did it was cause he saw me wiht dale...All me and dale fuckin did was kiss!!!its so much bull shit...im so mad/upset at the same time...i dont want anything to do with ither one of them!!

I HOPE U BOTH FUCKIN DIE!!! IF YOU WANT, YA'LL CAN FUCKIN DIE TOGETHER CAUSE YOUR BOTH WHORES!!!

Yea so this weekend can be described at what u might call "CRAZY"....Well amanda and kelli were supposed to come thursday but somthin came up....so they got here friday afternoon...Then Chad picked us up and we went nad chilled at his house for a while....then me, amanda, kelli, chad, dale, mason, matt, tyler, etc all went to dannys house....oh man a shit load of booze!! i got completely trashed!! chad wasnt really talkin to me that much and he was hangin out with amanda alot so i hung out with dale. Well dale was 100% sober the whole night...And everyone knows that i always thought dale was really hott....well me being trashed made the night pretty interesting...I dont wanna talk about it....But i have almost the whole world mad at me and now i have dale and chad completely hating each other and almost gettin into a fight....But saturday morning i some how woke up at dales house....i dont rem. goin there or anything...i feel horrible about all of it..Chad completely hates me now....

Anyways i had a hangover all day saturday...then i had work...i couldnt even stand up...It sucked...Then last night me, amanda, kelli, my bro, and marcie went to daytona to watch mikes band play....it was pretty awesome!!!

But today kelli and amanda had to leave!! TOTALLY SUCKS!!

I seriously don't know what i want anymore... Everything seems to be falling apart... So yea me and Logan broke up... I thought it was for the best.... I'm not so sure now.... It hurts more than i wanted and expected.... Cried for a couple hours last night.... I didn't really want to break up with him.... He assumed that i did and went ahead and did it for me....We both knew we were totally different people and that a relationship wouldn't last long... He knew it more than i did, even tho what i knew of it i tried to block it out of my head because i really wanted to be with him.... I don't think hes gonna let us be friends.... And even if he does, it won't be as close of friends as i want.... He means alot to me.... I wish he knew that....

Well it's raining really hard....So i decided to not go to school.....Fun Fun...

Oh yea Amanda and Kelli are comin to visit me tomorrow!!! I haven't seen them since the begining of last summer!!! I'm so fuckin excited.... Even tho deland sucks ass and there isn't anything to do...

One more day until spring break begins!! SAWEET!

Well Friday me and logan were supposed to get a hotel room and stay the night but my mom ended up calling and saying she needed me to come home that night so those plans fell thru!! WHICH SUCKED BY FAR!! So we ended up doin the usual (going to hang out wiht Jay, Sean, and Brett at Jay and Seans house)....WOW!! that night had we more instore for everyone than we expected...I hate seeing Logan mad/hurt/in a shit load of trouble...I just wanted to sit there and cry after all the chaos that happened...I'm not gonna bother goin all into details about it cause its not my bizz to tell anyone...

Then on Saturday I had to fuckin sit home all day and watch my little sister! which was a bunch of bullshit!!! Then later on around 7 or so i went and got shawna from the bus stop and we went downtown....and i just so happen to run into my love..So we hung out with Logan and them for a while..then we went to steves to watch the bands play....i smoked an entire pack of ciggs last night!!! it was horrible....i smoke alot...but never that much...haha....then we left and picked up christina and went to shawnas house and we got high as fuck!!! MAN O MAN!!! GOOD TIMES!!!lol....it was great....i swear us 3 have the best time ever when we are together....

Then today i went to church....Then i went to work....and now my mom said i have to fuckin stay home all night!!! I FUCKIN HATE HER!!!Shes been a bitch like whao!!!So now im stuck here and i wanted to be with logan...:-\

Main highlights of this past month....

PARENTS GETTING DIVORCED/DAD MOVED OUT

ME AND CHAD BROKE UP/NOW IM WITH LOGAN

HAD A JOB INTERVIEW/NOW I WORK AT TCBY

STOPPED CAREING ABOUT SCHOOL/MY GRADES ALL FELL

<3

For those of you who don't know...

Me and Logan are officaily together.... :-)

After all I have been through with him, and all the pain and hurt i've been caused I am wondering how all this will turn out...I don't know, but i'm excited and scared all at the same time...

( LOOKED GOOD IN PHOTOSHOP!! GAY AS FUCK IN JPG!!! )